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Francine Caitlyn Chye
a.k.a. Hurricaine Fran
a.k.a. Fran the PCD
a.k.a. the happy bunny :D
<3
040889 (August baby!)
Crescent, ACJC, hocker
xoxo
If it's meant to be, it'll be(:
"And sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together"
don't think, just run
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Today i woke up at 630am. Then i went running with dad. First time we've done that in such a long time. Wearing heels yesterday did not do nice things for my leg muscles cos something hurts like hell. Got to school around 845am and hung around talking to Neashy about his girl stalker til we did something productive - Went for lunch at HollandV BK. Too many jokes about Vishnu (Julian) the Prince of Darkness, Burger King, crown and all. Sitting between Neashy and Vishnu was like a "Dark tunnel" with Clare as the beam of light. Whahahaha, i love meals where racism is the core joke. Funny shit. Went back after buying paint, 11packets of chicken rice for the ruggers and BK for Mizzy and Azmi with Haiqal too. Got to work on our banner, finally.
The day consisted of chalking it up, painting, waiting for paint to dry, chalk, paint, wait, paint, wait, wait, wait. It was crazy. But then the inbetweens were sort of fun. It's nice that the Hockers and Ruggers are pretty close cos we got to share paint and brushes and hang out which was nice. I threw a mega-mini tantrum to nobody, cos of not much and thank goodness nick was around to save me and let me scream and squeal and bring me away to go eat. (Nick is good for Francine) I can be a little angry monster when provoked. Scary stuff. Fairy's always there for me too. Whahaha, we got oil based bright blue paint in the oldham toilet sinks and we spent close to half an hour, 20mins trying to wash it off. I still have gold paint on my toenail and blue paint on my arm. So much for artistic talent. I must say, though, that Neashy and Haiq are pretty arty! (: Oh, and i learnt to kick a rugby ball, sorta. It's like ballet! HAHAHAHA.
Stayed back with the hockey boys, Clare, Vyan and Shawn til late. It was lightning-ing anf thundering and it was scary. Yet i think it would have been nice to sit there and look for stars while it rained all around. But not alone, of course.
I just realised, you're the only one i wanna talk to, yet the last person i'd think of calling.
no, i dont' know what's going on.
I need to start studying so badly.
The scariest thing is discovering that you feel lousy because you feel lousy about yourself
I spent most of the time thinking that i was feeling crummy because of the wonderful assumption of second-gradeness that comes with someone cancelling on you. But then it hit me disgustingly hard that the only reason that i was feel horrible was simply cos the primary reason for my being down wasn't what i had originally thought it was. Oh, nowhere close. Finding out i'm really are a vengeful, nasty, angry and shallow person has taken a gigantic toll on me and my inner peace. So yes, i'm an angsty person and i hope it goes away soon. Anyone wanna volunteer to take me to an empty open space when i can scream my sinfulness way, way away? No, i didn't think so. Maybe i'll just wallow in self disgust and pity for a little while longer. This will go away. Fuck this shit. I blame you, bitch. Ohh, i feel better.
Tomorrow is Subway day with the Geog-ys i hope. At least Henna Hannah. It's nice to be with people who you can have stupid intellectually stimulating brain-storming about nothings and everythings conversations with over good food.
I really like how talking to some people just makes you feel really good, and happy. And happy.
-and happy,
I thought you wanted a shot at a friendship too. I thought it you wanted it then maybe you'd put a little effort into it. I thought if you cared a little bit more about keeping me around you'd put in a little more time to make sure i'd always be there. But that's always been the assumption about me to you, huh? Has it ever occurred to you that there's gonna come a day when i'll turn my back and walk away? No, it hasn't. Frankly, it's probably cos it's never occurred to me, either. But when you think about it, when i think about it, i don't know what's been stopping me. You don't have anything i want, you can't give me anything i need, more importantly, you don't want to and honestly, i don't want you to anymore. I don't want to try to have a friendship with someone who is going to continue treating me like the girl he didn't want. There i said it. It's too tiring and difficult. I thought we could do it by starting afresh. I'm ready to, but you obviously can't be bothered so you know what? Neither. Can. I.
I deleted you again and i hope it makes me feel better again. But i'm just feel empty.
ex-oh, ex-oh
1:52 AM
